In a sobering report that has left statisticians scratching their heads, scientists have declared a global pandemic of degradation. This isn’t your typical viral outbreak; it’s a gradual decline in common sense, critical thinking, and basic decency.
The symptoms are subtle yet pervasive: a worldwide increase in reality TV consumption, a sharp decline in library memberships, and a baffling rise in the popularity of ‘artisanal’ water. Experts have traced the origins of this pandemic to the depths of the internet, where cat videos reign supreme and memes are considered a food group.
The impact of this degradation is far-reaching. Political debates have devolved into shouting matches, where the loudest voice wins regardless of coherence. Social interactions have been reduced to 280 characters or less, and the art of conversation is now an elective in most schools.
The World Health Organization has issued guidelines to combat this intellectual malaise, recommending at least 30 minutes of critical thinking a day, a healthy diet of facts, and a strict regimen of skepticism. “It’s time to fight back against this pandemic,” a spokesperson announced, before accidentally walking into a lamppost while tweeting the statement.
As the world grapples with this new challenge, one thing is clear: the pandemic of degradation may not be contagious, but it’s certainly widespread. And in the battle for the mind, it seems, every day is Decay Day.