French Say “Au Revoir” to Tourists

French Tourist Hiatus

In an unprecedented move, France has declared that it is “taking a break” from tourists. The announcement came early this morning from the newly formed “Federation for the Restoration of French Serenity” (FRFS).

“We just can’t take it anymore,” sighed FRFS spokesperson Pierre Baguette. “Everywhere you look, there’s someone taking a selfie with a baguette or wearing a beret incorrectly. We need some space.”

The FRFS has outlined a plan to replace iconic landmarks with holograms, hoping tourists won’t notice the difference. “If they want to see the Eiffel Tower, they can see the Eiffel Tower,” explained Baguette. “It just won’t be the real one.”

Local Parisians have expressed mixed feelings. “I will miss the confused faces trying to pronounce ‘Champs-Élysées’,” admitted one café owner. “But I won’t miss explaining why we don’t sell ‘French fries’.”

Tourists already in the country are being offered complimentary croissants and a gentle nudge towards the nearest airport. Meanwhile, the FRFS is launching a campaign promoting “staycations” for the French populace, complete with wine-tasting webinars and virtual tours of the Louvre.