Articles by Chuck Witsworth

Cow Kiss Remedy

The New Cure for Sneezing Fits

In a bizarre turn of events, a small rural town has found an unconventional solution to the common cold’s annoying cousin: sneezing. Residents of Greenfield, nestled in the heart of dairy country, swear by the…



Rowling's Unfulfilled Dream

Rowling’s Rejected Role

In an unexpected revelation that seems straight out of a Hogwarts’ tale, J.K. Rowling, the creator of the Harry Potter universe, disclosed her once-secret desire to step into the robes of one of her characters…


Ad-Driven Wakefulness

Morning Commerce: A Wake-Up Revolution

In a surprising turn of events, the National Sleep Foundation has released a report suggesting that waking up to advertisements could be the key to a more productive morning. The study, titled “The Economics of…


Swiss Salary Reduction

Swiss Salary Surprise

In an unprecedented turn of events, Switzerland, the land known for its high living standards and even higher mountains, has witnessed a peculiar phenomenon. Millions of Swiss citizens have reportedly signed a petition demanding a…


Innovative Sleep Remedies

Insomnia’s New Foe: Counting Sheep Outdated

In a surprising turn of events, the Global Sleep Council has declared that counting sheep is officially passé. After extensive research, doctors have named the new best remedies for unbearable insomnia: watching paint dry and…


Global Intellectual Decline

Decay Day: The Pandemic of Degradation

In a sobering report that has left statisticians scratching their heads, scientists have declared a global pandemic of degradation. This isn’t your typical viral outbreak; it’s a gradual decline in common sense, critical thinking, and…


First Navel Transplant

Navel Transplant Pioneered by French Surgeons

In a groundbreaking operation, French surgeons have successfully completed the first-ever navel transplant. The procedure, which took place in a Parisian hospital known for its avant-garde approach to medicine, has been hailed as a “belly…



Hungarian Minister's Bicycle Commute

Hungarian Transport Minister’s New Two-Wheel Policy

In an unexpected twist of fiscal frugality, Hungary’s Minister of Transport has revealed that he’s been pedaling to parliament due to a budgetary blunder that left no room for his official car expenses. “It’s all…