Insomnia’s New Foe: Counting Sheep Outdated

Innovative Sleep Remedies

In a surprising turn of events, the Global Sleep Council has declared that counting sheep is officially passé. After extensive research, doctors have named the new best remedies for unbearable insomnia: watching paint dry and listening to grass grow.

“We’ve found these methods to be incredibly effective,” says Dr. Sandman, the lead researcher. “Patients fall asleep 90% faster when observing the subtle color transitions of drying paint.”

The study, which monitored insomniacs in a room with freshly painted walls and a live feed of a grassy lawn, showed remarkable results. Participants not only fell asleep quicker but also reported dreams of vibrant meadows and freshly decorated rooms.

“Counting sheep was just too exciting,” admitted one participant. “But watching paint dry? It’s like a lullaby for my eyes.”

The council is now recommending hardware stores and garden centers as the go-to places for sleep aids. “Forget the pharmacy, head to the paint aisle,” suggests Dr. Sandman.