Oxford Embraces Vocational Shift

Oxford Vocational Transformation

In a shocking twist that’s left academia reeling, Oxford University, the bastion of higher education, has announced its transformation into a vocational college. The hallowed halls, once trodden by prime ministers and Nobel laureates, will soon echo with the sounds of hammers and saws.

The university’s spokesperson, clad in a hard hat and overalls, declared, “It’s time to get real. Philosophy won’t fix a leaky faucet.” The move, they say, is in response to the global demand for more practical skills. “Why study Latin when you can learn lathe?” they added, while handing out plumbing manuals to bewildered students.

The curriculum overhaul has been met with mixed reactions. Some students are thrilled at the prospect of swapping their theses for tool belts, while others mourn the loss of the Socratic method in favor of soldering techniques.

Oxford’s rival, Cambridge, has reportedly been watching closely, considering a counter-move that could involve converting their lecture theaters into giant greenhouses to teach competitive gardening.

As the first batch of Oxford’s newly minted electricians and carpenters prepare to graduate, the world watches in anticipation. Will this herald a new era of practicality, or is it simply a case of old institutions trying to nail new trends?