In a bold move that has left military analysts scratching their heads, the Speaker of the Polish Sejm, Szymon Hołownia, has promoted his wife to the rank of a four-star general. The promotion, which took place in their backyard amidst a small gathering of bewildered family pets, has been hailed as a “revolutionary act of domestic empowerment” by Hołownia.
The newly-minted General Mrs. Hołownia, who has no prior military experience, is said to have been quite surprised by her sudden ascent in the ranks, but graciously accepted the ornamental saber and helmet made from kitchen foil. “I’ve been managing the battlefield of our home for years,” she quipped, “I suppose this makes it official.”
While the legality of the promotion is questionable, the Speaker insists it’s a symbolic gesture to honor all spouses who “strategically manage their households with the precision of a military operation.” The Polish army has not commented, but sources report an uptick in salutes from soldiers delivering groceries in the Speaker’s neighborhood.