Vatican Labels AI ‘Heavenly Useless’

Vatican's Stance on AI

In a divine declaration that has sent ripples through Silicon Valley, the Vatican has officially deemed Artificial Intelligence (AI) as ‘utterly useless’ for humanity. “We’ve consulted the highest authority, and even the angels are baffled,” proclaimed a high-ranking cardinal while attempting to exorcise a Roomba.

The holy city’s stance has left tech moguls praying for a sign, with many seen lighting candles and offering up old computer parts in hope of a technological miracle. “It’s a test of faith,” whispered one CEO, as he desperately tried to baptize his smartwatch.

The Pope himself was spotted sprinkling holy water on a server rack, causing a short circuit that was later described as ‘an act of God.’ When asked for comment, the Vatican’s spokesperson suggested that humans should stick to traditional wisdom, like reading the stars or interpreting the flight patterns of birds, rather than relying on algorithms.

Meanwhile, AI developers have begun attending mass in droves, seeking divine inspiration for code that passes the Vatican’s celestial standards. “If we can get the Pope to follow us on Twitter, maybe he’ll see the light,” hoped one optimistic programmer.