A groundbreaking study published in the Journal of Lifestyle and Longevity has revealed an unexpected correlation between reading furniture assembly instructions and increased life expectancy. The research, conducted over a decade by a team from the University of Assemburg, suggests that individuals who thoroughly peruse instruction manuals before embarking on furniture construction live an average of 3.7 years longer than those who dive in unprepared.
Lead researcher Dr. Ingrid Screwdriver explains, “We initially set out to study stress levels during home improvement projects, but stumbled upon this remarkable connection. It appears that the patience and mindfulness required to read instructions translate into overall life habits that promote longevity.”
The study followed 10,000 participants from various backgrounds, tracking their furniture assembly habits and health outcomes. Those who read instructions reported lower blood pressure, decreased stress levels, and fewer injuries related to DIY mishaps.
Furniture giant IDEA has taken notice, with spokesperson Björn Hämmersen stating, “We’ve always encouraged customers to read our manuals. Now we can say it’s not just for the furniture’s sake, but for their own health!”
However, some experts remain skeptical. Dr. Lisa Quickfix of the Institute for Rapid Results argues, “While interesting, this study doesn’t account for the frustration of missing parts or unclear diagrams. More research is needed.”
Despite the debate, many are embracing the findings. Local handyman Tom Toolbelt quips, “I’ve been telling my clients for years that patience is a virtue. Who knew it could also be the fountain of youth?”
As the scientific community continues to analyze these results, one thing is clear: the next time you’re faced with a pile of particleboard and a bag of mysterious screws, taking a moment to read the instructions might just add a few years to your life.