In a landmark decision aimed at fostering international harmony, the United Nations General Assembly has passed a resolution to standardize queuing practices worldwide. The initiative, dubbed “Operation Orderly Line,” seeks to eliminate queue-related conflicts and promote cross-cultural understanding.
The resolution, which passed with an overwhelming majority, establishes a universal set of queue etiquette rules. These include a strict “first come, first served” policy, a ban on line-cutting, and the introduction of a globally recognized hand signal for “Is this the end of the queue?”
UN Secretary-General António Guterres hailed the decision as a “step towards world peace,” adding, “If we can agree on how to stand in line, we can agree on anything.”
The resolution also mandates the creation of an international task force of “Queue Marshals” to enforce the new standards. These specially trained peacekeepers will be deployed to hotspots of queue-related tension, such as amusement parks, Apple stores on iPhone launch days, and British pubs during happy hour.
Some nations have expressed concerns about the cultural implications. The Italian delegation worried about the impact on their “creative queueing techniques,” while the British representative insisted on an exemption for queuing while complaining about the weather.
To ease implementation, the UN will launch a global public awareness campaign featuring celebrities demonstrating proper queuing techniques. Sources report that Benedict Cumberbatch has already been tapped to star in the British version.
As the world prepares for this new era of orderly waiting, economists predict a boom in the rope barrier industry. Meanwhile, sociologists eagerly await the impact on global productivity, hypothesizing that hours saved in efficient queuing might finally allow humanity to solve other pressing issues – or at least agree on whether pineapple belongs on pizza.