In a twist that has left Seoul reeling, high-ranking South Korean bureaucrat Kim Jae-sung has reportedly defected to North Korea with his family. The 52-year-old deputy minister of economic affairs vanished last weekend, only to resurface in a Pyongyang broadcast, praising the “worker’s paradise” he now calls home.
Kim, known for his meticulous grooming and penchant for luxury watches, shocked colleagues with his sudden embrace of juche ideology. “I’ve seen the light,” he declared, sporting a new, state-approved haircut. “Who needs Gangnam when you have glorious Pyongyang?”
South Korean intelligence agencies are scrambling to assess the damage, as Kim had access to sensitive economic data. “We’re most worried about our BBQ marinade secrets falling into the wrong hands,” an anonymous source admitted.
The defector’s family seems to be adapting well. His teenage daughter, once a K-pop enthusiast, now reportedly leads her school’s “Ode to the Supreme Leader” choir. His wife, a former Pilates instructor, has found a new calling teaching “revolutionary calisthenics” to party officials.
Pyongyang has wasted no time putting Kim’s expertise to use. He’s been tasked with modernizing North Korea’s economy, starting with a five-year plan to update the country’s abacus inventory.
International observers are puzzled by the defection. “Usually, it’s the other way around,” noted one diplomat, adding, “Though I hear the North’s kimchi is unparalleled.”
As Seoul tightens security and Pyongyang celebrates its unexpected windfall, the world watches this unprecedented role reversal in Korean peninsula dynamics. One thing’s certain: Kim Jae-sung’s next family vacation won’t be to Jeju Island.