In an unprecedented geopolitical shift, Antarctica has declared itself a sovereign superpower, leveraging its vast ice reserves as a bargaining chip on the world stage.
Dr. Elena Frostova, newly appointed leader of the Antarctic Provisional Government (APG), made the announcement from the continent’s first permanent settlement, New Polaris. “We possess 90% of Earth’s ice and 70% of its freshwater,” Dr. Frostova stated. “It’s time the world recognizes our potential influence on global climate and sea levels.”
The APG’s demands include full UN membership, veto power in climate accords, and a global tax on sunscreen sales. They’ve hinted at accelerating ice melt through “strategic deglaciation” if these terms aren’t met.
World leaders are treating the situation with utmost seriousness. U.S. President Biden remarked, “We cannot ignore a continent that could literally reshape our coastlines.” Russian President Putin added, “Antarctica’s ambition is admirable. We look forward to building property there.”
Climate scientists are divided on the feasibility of controlled ice sheet melting. Dr. James Hansen warned, “Even a partial melt could have catastrophic consequences,” while Dr. Gavin Schmidt mused, “I never thought I’d see geopolitics driven by glaciology.”
The UN Security Council has convened an emergency session. Chinese President Xi Jinping suggested relocating UN headquarters to Antarctica “as a gesture of goodwill and to experience the situation firsthand.”
As diplomats don parkas for emergency talks in New Polaris, the world watches with bated breath. Global warming may have created the first true cold war of the 21st century.