Earth’s Highest Court Aims Higher

International Court of Justice Moon relocation

In an unprecedented move, the United Nations has announced plans to relocate the International Court of Justice (ICJ) to the Moon, citing the need for “a more objective perspective on Earthly disputes.”

UN Secretary-General António Guterres unveiled the ambitious project, dubbed “Justitia Luna,” during a press conference at the organization’s headquarters in New York. “From 384,400 kilometers away, the petty squabbles of nations might just appear as insignificant as they truly are,” Guterres remarked, barely suppressing a smile.

The lunar courthouse, set to be constructed by 2030, will feature state-of-the-art facilities including gravity-adjustable courtrooms and an expansive lunar rock garden for meditation between sessions. Judges will don specially designed space robes, complete with built-in life support systems and Wi-Fi capabilities.

Critics have raised concerns about the practicality and cost of the move. However, supporters argue that the neutral territory of the Moon will eliminate any perceived bias based on the court’s current location in The Hague.

Chief Justice Joan Donoghue expressed enthusiasm for the relocation, stating, “The view of Earth from the bench will serve as a constant reminder of the global impact of our decisions. Plus, I’ve always wanted to try gaveling in low gravity.”

The project has already sparked a flurry of logistical questions. Legal experts are debating whether lunar-based rulings will carry more or less weight than their terrestrial counterparts. Meanwhile, court stenographers are undergoing rigorous astronaut training to ensure accurate transcription in a zero-gravity environment.

In a surprising twist, several nations with ongoing disputes have requested to fast-track their cases to be among the first heard on the lunar surface. “If we’re going to argue about borders, we might as well do it where we can see there aren’t any,” quipped one anonymous diplomat.

As the international community grapples with this celestial shift in judicial proceedings, one thing is certain: the phrase “justice is blind” is about to take on a whole new meaning in the vast darkness of space.