Trump’s Russian Roulette

Trump Russia asylum plan

In a shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump has reportedly confessed to contemplating a daring escape to Russia following his recent conviction on all counts of financial document fraud.

Sources close to the embattled ex-commander-in-chief reveal that Trump, known for his “very stable genius” proclamations, had concocted a plan worthy of a low-budget spy novel. The scheme allegedly involved a midnight dash to Mar-a-Lago’s helipad, a speedboat rendezvous with a Russian submarine off the Florida coast, and a grand entrance into Moscow riding a bear – shirtless, of course.

“I have the best ideas for asylum, believe me,” Trump purportedly told his inner circle. “Putin and I, we’re like this,” he added, attempting to cross his fingers but struggling due to their size.

The revelation has sent shockwaves through Washington, with pundits speculating whether the Kremlin would welcome such a high-maintenance guest. One anonymous Russian official quipped, “We already have one egomaniac. Do we really need another?”

Meanwhile, the Trump team has scrambled to downplay the admission, insisting their client merely expressed interest in expanding his real estate empire to include a “Trump Tower Siberia.”

As legal experts debate the implications of this startling confession, late-night comedians are already sharpening their pencils, eagerly anticipating a potential “From Russia with Love” sequel starring the orange-hued antihero.