A radical group of vegans has announced a boycott of all products containing water, claiming that it is a form of exploitation and abuse of plants. The group, which calls itself “Water Is Murder”, said that water is essential for plant growth and survival, and that humans have no right to take it away from them.
“Water is the lifeblood of plants, and we are stealing it from them every day,” said the group’s spokesperson, Kale Green. “We are depriving them of their natural rights and dignity, and using them for our own selfish purposes. We are killing them slowly and painfully, and we don’t even care.”
The group said that they will not consume or use any products that contain water, such as fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, seeds, beans, tofu, soy milk, almond milk, rice milk, oat milk, coconut milk, tea, coffee, juice, soda, beer, wine, liquor, ice cream, chocolate, candy, gum, bread, pasta, pizza, cake, cookies, muffins, pancakes, waffles, cereal, soup, salad dressing, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, vinegar, oil, salt, pepper, sugar, honey, maple syrup, jam, peanut butter, hummus, salsa, guacamole, and many more.
The group also said that they will not use any products that contain water for personal hygiene or cleaning purposes. such as soap. shampoo. conditioner. toothpaste. mouthwash. lotion. perfume. cologne. deodorant. makeup. nail polish. hairspray. shaving cream. razor blades. toilet paper. tissue paper. paper towels. laundry detergent. dish soap. bleach. disinfectant. sanitizer. and many more.
The group said that they will only consume and use products that do not contain water at all. such as air. sunlight. and rocks.
“We believe that air. sunlight. and rocks are the only ethical and sustainable sources of nourishment and comfort for vegans.” Green said. “They do not harm any living beings or the environment. They are pure and natural and free from any contamination or exploitation.”
The group said that they hope that their boycott will raise awareness about the plight of plants and inspire other vegans to join them in their crusade.
“We want to show the world that vegans are not hypocrites or cowards.” Green said. “We are willing to sacrifice everything for our cause and our compassion. We are the true defenders of life on this planet.”
The group’s announcement has been met with ridicule and disbelief by most people. including other vegans.
“This is ridiculous and absurd.” said Amy Brown. a vegan activist and blogger. “Water is not murder. Water is essential for all life forms on Earth. including humans and animals. Without water we would all die.”
Brown said that she respects the group’s right to express their opinion but does not agree with their logic or their methods.
“I think they are misguided and misinformed.” Brown said. “They are hurting themselves and their health by depriving themselves of water and other vital nutrients. They are also hurting the vegan movement by making us look like extremists and fanatics.”
Brown said that she hopes that the group will reconsider their boycott and seek professional help.
“I hope they realize that they are suffering from a serious mental disorder.” Brown said. “They need to get help before it’s too late.”