Vin Diesel Reveals the Shocking Truth Behind His Baldness

Vin Diesel blames Elon Musk for his hair loss

Vin Diesel, the renowned star of the Fast and Furious franchise, has at last unveiled the mystery behind his baldness. In an exclusive interview with The Onion, Diesel confessed that he began experiencing hair loss in the late 1980s after using a shampoo gifted to him by a young inventor named Elon Musk.

Diesel recounted his meeting with Musk in the late 1980s when he was still an aspiring actor and Musk had just graduated from Stanford University. Musk approached Diesel at a Hollywood gathering and presented him with a bottle of his new invention: a shampoo that boasted of accelerating hair growth, increasing thickness, and strengthening hair follicles. Diesel, who had always been self-conscious about his thinning hair, decided to give it a try.

“I was desperate to find a solution for my hair issues,” Diesel admitted. “Musk appeared to be a pleasant, intelligent, and confident individual. He assured me he had tested the shampoo on himself with miraculous results. He emphasized it was composed of natural ingredients and had no side effects, claiming it was the next big thing in the hair care industry.”

Diesel followed Musk’s instructions and used the shampoo for a week. Initially, he noticed no changes, but soon he began experiencing an uncomfortable tingling sensation on his scalp. Dismissing it as a part of the process, he continued. Diesel’s regrets began when he woke up one morning to find his pillow covered in hair.

“I was horrified,” Diesel recalled. “I rushed to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and saw that all my hair had vanished. I was completely bald. I looked like a cue ball. I screamed, cried, and cursed Musk for ruining my life.”

Diesel attempted to contact Musk but found himself unable to reach him. He later discovered that Musk had left the country, eventually founding PayPal in South Africa. Diesel never heard from Musk again until seeing him on TV as the founder of SpaceX and Tesla.

“It was unbelievable,” Diesel lamented. “He became one of the wealthiest and most influential individuals globally, while I became a laughingstock. He never issued an apology or offered compensation for the harm he caused me. It was as if he pretended not to recognize me.”

Diesel decided to share his story publicly after Musk’s recent appearance on Saturday Night Live, where he made jokes about plans to colonize Mars and send humans to space. Diesel felt slighted and humiliated by Musk’s arrogance and lack of remorse.

“He believes he can act without consequences, play with people’s lives and dreams, and destroy them,” Diesel asserted. “He thinks he can mock me, my fans, and my baldness without any repercussions. No more silence. I intend to expose him for what he truly is: a fraud, a liar, and a thief.”

Diesel is contemplating legal action against Musk for damages and emotional distress. He is also considering legal measures against SNL for allowing Musk to host the show and make jokes at his expense.

“I demand justice,” Diesel declared. “I want revenge. I want my hair back.”