Facebook Buys the Internet, Claims It Will Charge Users $1 Per Hour for Access to Any Website

In a shocking move that has stunned the world, Facebook announced today that it has acquired the entire Internet for a whopping $1 trillion, and that it will start charging users $1 per hour for access to any website, effective immediately.

The deal, which was secretly negotiated between Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and a mysterious consortium of Internet service providers, domain registrars, and web hosting companies, gives Facebook complete ownership and control over all the online content and infrastructure in the world.

Zuckerberg said that the acquisition was part of his vision to “connect the world” and “make the Internet more social”. He also said that the new fee was necessary to cover the costs of maintaining and improving the Internet, as well as to provide users with a better and safer online experience.

“We believe that the Internet is a basic human right, and we want to make sure that everyone can enjoy it,” he said. “But we also have to be realistic and responsible. The Internet is not free. It takes a lot of resources and investment to keep it running and secure. That’s why we have decided to charge a small fee of $1 per hour for access to any website. This way, we can ensure that the Internet remains accessible, affordable, and high-quality for everyone.”

Zuckerberg added that users who want to access Facebook and its affiliated platforms, such as Instagram, WhatsApp, and Oculus, will not have to pay any fee, as they are already part of the Facebook family. He also said that users who sign up for Facebook’s new subscription service, called Facebook Premium, will get unlimited access to all websites for only $9.99 per month.

“We think this is a fair and reasonable offer,” he said. “Facebook Premium will give users access to the best content and services on the web, as well as exclusive features and benefits that only Facebook can provide. For example, Facebook Premium users will get priority loading speed, ad-free browsing, enhanced privacy protection, personalized recommendations, and more. They will also get a free pair of Oculus VR glasses and a 10% discount on all purchases made through Facebook Marketplace.”

Zuckerberg said that he hopes that users will embrace the new changes and see them as an opportunity to enrich their lives and connect with others. He also said that he expects that other tech giants, such as Google, Amazon, Apple, and Microsoft, will follow his lead and join forces with Facebook to create a unified and harmonious Internet.

“We are not trying to monopolize or dominate the Internet,” he said. “We are trying to unify and democratize it. We want to create a global community where everyone can share their ideas, opinions, passions, and interests. We want to make the Internet more social.”

The announcement has sparked outrage and disbelief among users, experts, activists, and regulators around the world. Many have criticized Facebook for abusing its power and violating the principles of net neutrality, freedom of expression, and competition. Some have even called for a boycott of Facebook and its services, or for switching to alternative platforms or devices.

“This is outrageous and unacceptable,” said Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of the World Wide Web. “Facebook has no right to buy the Internet or to charge users for accessing it. The Internet belongs to everyone. It is a public good and a common resource. It should be open, free, and neutral. Facebook is violating the core values and ethics of the web. They are destroying the Internet as we know it.”

Berners-Lee said that he is working with other web pioneers and activists to challenge Facebook’s acquisition and fee in court, as well as to create a new decentralized web that is independent from Facebook’s control.

“We will not let Facebook ruin the web,” he said. “We will fight back and reclaim our digital rights. We will create a new web that is truly for everyone.”