North Korea Launches First Ever Space Tourism Program, Offers Free Trips to the Moon for Dissidents

In a surprising move that has stunned the world, North Korea has announced that it has launched the first ever space tourism program, offering free trips to the moon for dissidents and their families.

The program, dubbed “Kim Jong-un’s Lunar Paradise”, was unveiled by the supreme leader himself in a televised speech on Monday. He said that he wanted to reward the “loyal and patriotic” citizens who had opposed his regime and criticized his policies, by giving them a chance to see the “glorious and magnificent” moon up close.

“Dear comrades, I have a special gift for you today,” said Kim Jong-un, smiling and waving. “I have decided to send you to the moon, where you can enjoy the beauty and tranquility of our celestial neighbor. You will be able to see the earth from a different perspective, and appreciate how lucky you are to live in our great and prosperous nation.”

Kim Jong-un said that he had personally selected the candidates for the program, based on their “outstanding achievements” in expressing their dissent and dissatisfaction with his rule. He said that he had chosen a diverse and representative group of people, including journalists, activists, artists, intellectuals, religious leaders, defectors, and even some foreign spies.

“I have chosen you because you are the most brave and honest people in our country,” said Kim Jong-un. “You have dared to speak your mind and challenge my authority, even at the risk of your own lives. You have shown me that you are not afraid of me or my power. You have shown me that you are true Koreans, who love their country and their people more than anything else. You have shown me that you deserve my respect and admiration.”

Kim Jong-un said that he had prepared a special rocket for the program, which he claimed was the most advanced and powerful in the world. He said that the rocket was capable of carrying up to 100 passengers at a time, and that it could reach the moon in less than an hour. He said that the rocket was equipped with all the necessary amenities and facilities for a comfortable and enjoyable journey, such as air conditioning, Wi-Fi, entertainment systems, snacks, drinks, and toilets.

“I have spared no expense or effort to make this trip as pleasant and memorable as possible for you,” said Kim Jong-un. “You will have everything you need and want on board this rocket. You will not feel any discomfort or boredom during your flight. You will not even notice that you are leaving our beloved earth behind. You will only feel joy and excitement as you approach your destination.”

Kim Jong-un said that he had also arranged a special itinerary for the program, which he said would allow the participants to experience the best that the moon had to offer. He said that the participants would be able to visit various landmarks and attractions on the lunar surface, such as craters, mountains, valleys, caves, lakes, and rivers. He said that they would also be able to participate in various activities and events on the moon, such as hiking, biking, skiing, fishing, golfing, dancing, singing, and even marrying.

Kim Jong-un said that he had also prepared a special surprise for the participants at the end of their trip. He said that he would personally greet them upon their return to earth, and thank them for their contribution to his vision of peace and harmony in the world. He said that he would also grant them amnesty for their crimes against his regime, and allow them to live freely in North Korea or abroad.

“I have a big surprise waiting for you when you come back from your lunar adventure,” said Kim Jong-un. “I will welcome you with open arms and a warm heart. I will forgive you for your mistakes and misdeeds. I will give you a new chance to start over in our glorious nation or anywhere else you choose. I will make you happy and proud to be my people.”

Kim Jong-un concluded his speech by urging the participants to pack their bags and get ready for their departure. He said that he hoped that they would enjoy their trip to the moon, and that they would remember him and his kindness for the rest of their lives.

“I hope that you will have a great time on the moon, and that you will never forget this experience,” said Kim Jong-un. “I hope that you will always remember me as your leader and your friend, who loves you and cares for you. I hope that you will always remember our country as your home and your family, who supports you and cherishes you. I hope that you will always remember our moon as your paradise and your heaven, who welcomes you and blesses you.”

Kim Jong-un then waved goodbye to the participants, who were shown on a giant screen behind him, looking shocked and terrified. He then pressed a button, which he said would launch the rocket to the moon.

“Goodbye, my dear comrades,” said Kim Jong-un. “Have a safe and happy journey to the moon. I will see you soon. Godspeed.”